I am such a fat fucking cow. I am very drunk after finding out my husband has been chatting to some other woman on fb...completely inappropriately. I feel fat and ugly and like I bloody deserve it. Last year I fell head over heels for a married man, and carried on with him for a while...I kissed him but that was it physically, but I fell in love with him. I ended it all with him, coz I have kids with my husband mainly. We split for a short time but it broke my heart coz he was devastated, so we got back together. I feel like I deserve this. I am such a shit person, and I'm am fat and don't work out enough and I eat to much and she clearly has a much better body than me, as well as a better personality. She makes him laugh and is laid back and easy ... I'm uptight and grumpy and don't want sex coz my body is so fucking ugly... Seeing it is a turn off for me, so god knows what it's like for him! I'm gona get the best body in the world...fucking show them. I don't even know what to do I just hate myself....
I'm a cutter....although I haven't for 2 year or so...it always calls to me in times like this. I want to cut, I want see my blood roll over my skin. To feel the calming effects.. Like a hit ... It's washes over me. A carefree moment like nothing else I experienced. It take away all the pain, the stress, leaves me light, calm and in control. Dries my tears like no one else can.
But i don't, I can't coz it upsets to many people, frightens people. So I don't.
Where do we go
Where do we go now
Where do we go
Where do we go now
And in amongst it all, is the dull heart ache for the man I let go, that I fell in love with...but the one who didn't want me.
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