I love riding!

This morning,

172.6lb... Still disgusting but again in the right direction.

I when riding this morning, I love riding, but hate the way my big thighs spread across the saddle. When I have skinny legs I'm sure my riding with be much better. I got my own hat today. Iv bought my boy one, and a body protector but iv just not had the money to get my own for ages now, and the one I had when I was younger has disappeared, probably wouldn't fit anyways.

Anyways, it was yet another example of my self doubt, and I understand it is completely stupid, but this is how my brain works. I hope exploring it will enable me to see myself clearer and therefore avoid these kind of situation. So, she asked me if I wanted a skull hat or a velvet top. Iv always thought the velvet tops are for proper riders, they are proper smart and lovely, they other ones are for kids and people who are likely to fall off. They are pretty ugly, yes you can cover them, but they aren't pretty as the velvet tops. I know logically this isn't true, but its just how I feel. ( like I always feel left is better, and right is clumsy) so she asked me, and I said " I don't mind, whichever fits best and is safest" ..... Why didn't I say I'd prefer a velvet top, because i don't feel like I deserve it, like I haven't earned it. So she tried the skull ones, and said she wanted to try the velvet tops coz the other ones move around to much on my head. I was over the moon. Iv got myself a velvet top helmet, but not coz I asked for it. I feel like I have to explain, I had it coz the lady said it was the best fit for my head....I defiantly did not ask for it.

Any ways so my lesson went well.... I am still fighting my irons tho. When i kick the horse, my stirrups shift and I have to readjust them every time. I loose the fairly often. Iv ridden with none and it is much easier. Thankfully as I can ride without them I don't fall off if I loose them, but it is father irritating, and means my mind is concentrating on my feet rather than all the other things i have to think about. More practice, and work harder.