Keep plodding

170.4... Fat whore!

I have a friend, and older woman. Older, not massively I guess, but she is much more settled and mature, and seen more of the world I guess. Anyways she knows about my food issues... Well some of it. She had this rather unnerving way of asking questions, and expecting honest answers. Sometimes it's exactly what I need. She is kind And caring and incredibly honest. Anyways I like her a lot. I have a lot of respect for her, and she is one of the few people I actually want to share my time with. So I was working today and she had my kids, long story short she made me dinner. I thought I'd gotten out of the habit and want expecting it. It was perfectly health, steemed fish, salad and a small bit of avocado, but I hadn't planned it and just wanted to cry, plus I don't eat meat, and only just started eating prawns, once in a very long while. So fish was a big thing. But I just buckled up and got on with it, inside I was twisting and scratching but I rationalised throught it. After we were talk about it, and she was asKing why iv put weight on coz she never sees me eat hardly...was I a secret eater, I'm not but she just came out with it. And after I purged. I have no idea why, there was no need, I just cudnt hold it down. I haven't done it in months And months, but it was literally sitting at the back of my throat, I just squeezed and it cAme up. As i came back into the kitchen....she said... U didn't just vom my food did you. I couldn't believe it! I felt disgusted and such a fool. I outright denied it. But I felt so dirty. And i am silent...there is no way she cud of heard, and I was fast. And iv never told her that iv done it before.

I was just a step to far, I dont want to talk about it and I don't want to be the girl that hurls. I don't want her to think so little of me. And I defiantly don't want her to be concerned or try to have anything to do with this. But she defiantly shook me up!